Children with Cleft Lips

I was 29yrs old when I was pregnant with my second daughter Emma. I was so excited to be having a second child considering my first one Akoya was already 12ys old. I had labor pains all the time so my doctor finally decided to induce me 3 weeks early. Believe me I was more than ready.

It was 6am on July 3rd,2003 my doctor came in and started the procedure. I finally had her at 8:32pm that night. While my doctor was delivering her the first thing I saw was her face. The first thing was almost panick. Her face looked deformed. They told me she had a cleft lip, but her palate was fine. It was a unilateral(one side) cleft. I had never seen a cleft lip before, so I didn't know anything about it. I remember my mind racing with questions, but nobody had any answers.

I didn't call anybody to tell them I had had her. I didn't want anybody to see her and judge her the way she looked. Even though I think I was. I had all this guilt in me, like what did I do wrong. My family kept telling me everything would be ok, but I never believed, because I was lost in this world of my poor little girl, look at her face.

I decided to breast-feed because they had special bottles to feed cleft babies,and basically you end up force feeding them. It was harder than I thought it would be. You had to make sure the hole in her lip was covered otherwise she could'nt get any suction. I felt my life was falling apart right in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it.

We brought her home on July 4th. I sat in the back seat with her watching the fireworks, crying the whole way home. I still didn't want anybody to see her. My family was there waiting there for us to get home. Everybody acted excited over her and I wanted to know if I was the only one who felt this way about this poor little girl. I was on the computer constantly looking up anything I could find to help me understand. I needed to talk to someone out there who was in the same position.

Her first surgery was Oct.29, 2005 five days short of her being 4mos. It was very stressful not knowing what she might look like when she came out of surgery. At this point I was very protective of her. I loved her smile, how big and opened it was. She was my angel from God.

When she came out surgery all I did was cry, I looked at her and she didn't look like my daughter at all. She had this little smile so perfect and round. She was beautiful,but she did not look like my daughter at all. We spent 2 nights at the Childrens Hospital, what a nightmare. Her arms had board restraints on her elbows so she couldn't touch her mouth or pull on her IV.

We ended up leaving on Halloween, which was fun because we went around the hospital trick or treating. For 2wks she couldn't have her nuk, and she didn't sleep at all. Her lip was taped together without stitches so I was nervous about that.

Emma Lynn is now 5yrs almost 6. I consider her my angel sent from Heaven. She knows everything she needs to know about her cleft lip so she can answer others that have questions. I look back and I feel so bad about the way her first day on earth was because I didn't think my daughter was beautiful. I wasn't happy for a long time because I didn't have anyone to talk to about my situation. Everybody would try but they were not in my position so I thought it was easy for them to tell me anything I wanted to here.

I want people out there to know there are alot of people to talk to, and I'm one of them. If anyone you or anyone else knows going through this please have them write to me because I know they need someone to talk to.